Hi I’m secrecy. I hide because I know I’m wrong. I don’t tell anyone what you see or do because I know it’s wrong and I know it would hurt others feelings if I told them what I was doing with my free time. I keep guilt and shame alive and thriving. I get you to shut people out. I get you to shut the people out that love you and want to spend time with you because they like who you are. I don’t want you to be with others, so that when you get hurt, no one is there to help you or heal you. Some think I am cool, and make you part of something unique, but at my heart I am best friends with dishonesty.
Hi I’m dishonesty. I will lie to you. I am the seed that is planted that grows the disease of addiction big enough to kill you. I will kill your relationships because people will stop trusting you and respecting you, or counting on you to tell them the truth. I will kill you spiritually by telling you that, because of who you are, you are not deserving of love. I am the first and last destroyer of your ability to feel free. You will create another life to keep me around. Then, the juggling of these lives will wear your out until you think your only escape is death. This, of course, is a lie as well. You can escape by speaking, thinking, and acting honestly, but I will never let you know that because I only lie.
Hi I’m fear and doubt. I paralyze you. I speak the language of “what ifs” and “maybes”. I want you to stop what you are about to do whether it is good or bad. Sometimes I convince you to run away from something good, other times, I convince you to run away from something bad. The worst thing that I do is keep you from trying. I will leave in the presence of courage, faith, and hope.
Hi I’m shame. My greatest achievement is to keep you from feeling that you will ever be enough. I can turn myself into a filter so that peoples’ words pass through me before they make it to your heart. I filter out messages that speak about how worthy you are. I speak in past tense, because I know you cannot change things back there. I only let you think about the could haves and should haves because I know those are out of your control now. My favorite sentences are: “I’m a terrible person.” “I’m too far gone.” “What I’ve done can’t be forgiven.” “No one could love a person like me.” I want you to regret. I want you to blame others for your mistakes, that way you won’t learn from them. I keep a tally of your mistakes, and I want you to give up.
Hi, I’m addiction. I happen when all the others you just met meet up for a family reunion. I become the family you don’t have. I keep you from realizing that you lost some of the most precious things you wanted out of life: Connection, belonging, and love. I am the lover that you will never find. I am the acknowledgment you have sought for from your family but never received. I replaced your identity with one that keeps you from growing through honesty and facing your imperfections with courage. I remind you about how hopelessly imperfect you are and lie to you about the truth that all of us know. The truth that our imperfection gives us the opportunity to connect. I will lie to you. I will tell you you’re not worthy of love or acceptance. I will lie to you. I will tell you that you will never be enough. Then when you’re alone I will tell you it’s your fault, not mine. That you will never find anyone to love or to love you. I did this to you, but I will never let you know it, because I will always lie to you.
I can be everything you need except for: Love, honesty, freedom, connection, belonging, authenticity, self-compassion, resiliency, gratitude, joy, healing, faith, trust, rest, calm, stillness, meaningful work, laughter, or peace.
You forgot about these because you’re too focused on the pain I brought you, the problems, and the devastation instead of your solutions, willingness, and inherent worth.